MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA (2005). This is a Joan Crawford movie without Joan Crawford, let alone a director like George Cukor. Arthur Golden's 1997 bestseller intrigues with its detail and a protagonist pitched between Moll Flanders and Jane Eyre, but Rob Marshall (Chicago) cuts directly to the clichÈs, transforming the original into a potboiler layered with tacky stereotypes, gaudy schmaltz, an awful soundtrack, and hammy acting. The latter comes from some talented Chinese actresses (a clue to Marshall's regard for authenticity). Ziyi Zhang postures through the part of Sayuri, the title courtesan sold by her father to a Kyoto geisha house; there she must contend with the treachery of Hatsumomo (Gong Li) while aided by Hatsumomo's rival, Mameha (Michelle Yeoh). Her dream: to become the mistress of the Chairman (Ken Watanabe). Oh, and World War II breaks out. To appreciate the irony of such a situation, skip this movie and watch Zhang Yimou's Raise the Red Lantern. (137m)

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